


College Clusterfuck

by KinoKahn



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - All Media Types, No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinoKahn/pseuds/KinoKahn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shion's a stoner.  Nezumi's a drunk.  Inukashi understandably kind hates them both.  (High)jinks ensue.  College AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few weeks ago, we found the wonderful (and tragically inactive) tumblr blog Texts from No.6. That blog, combined with the infamous TFLN and our own college experiences, quickly spiraled into... something. So we wrote a fic. Enjoy, and try not to take it seriously, as we definitely didn't.

It was a sunny college move-in day. Crowds of parents huddled around their precious child, crying or threatening or slapping backs or a hundred other expressions of love and terror. This wasn’t the real world yet but it was one step closer, and everyone was quietly terrified.

One boy wasn’t. He dragged one suitcase behind him and carried a duffel over his shoulder and that was it. He wove through the weeping groups of people saying goodbye for a whole two months (Thanksgiving Break would be there before they knew it), rolling his eyes when he passed a particularly loud collection of folks. He should have looked silly, a tufty little ponytail and cargo pants with one leg ripped to hell and the other tucked into his motorcycle boot, but heads were turning around him. Was his hair actually blue or was it the light? What happened to his pants? Where was the hot family that should have been seeing their hot son off?

He hiked up the stairs to the fourth floor of MacIntyre, dodging the giant boxes careless people left on the stairway once they’d unpacked. He dug for his room key and forced it open with his shoulder when it stuck. ”The fucking locks—”

His roommate was already there, sprawled face-down on the bed closest to the window and furthest from the bathroom that they would share with their next door neighbors.

The roommate looked up, eyes sharpening from lazy to suspicious in seconds. ”Hey. You Nezumi?”

“Yeah. You’re…?”

The roommate waited a beat, then rolled over and sat up. ”Wait, you don’t know my name?”

Nezumi shrugged, dropping his duffel on the bed and starting to unzip his bag. ”Sorry, there were a lot of emails to sift through and my internet connection was shit. What’s your name?”

“Inukashi,” the roommate snorted, sprawling back on the bed and watching Nezumi unpack. ”Is that all you brought?”

“It’s all I’ve got so yeah.”

“That’s it? Seriously? Wow, I was expecting way worse.”

Nezumi glanced up. ”Why?”

“You’re a theater major. I thought you’d have more… costumes or something.”

“If I could afford it, sure. Can’t, though. I’m just trying to make it through college without starving.”

“Ah, there’s the drama,” Inukashi sighed.

“I’m working my way through this school,” Nezumi snapped. ”I’m not being dramatic, I’m being honest. I’m a year late cuz I had to save up.”

Inukashi blinked. ”Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

Nezumi shrugged. He started tucking a few clothes into drawers and hung a leather jacket in his closet. ”Have you met the neighbors yet?”

“Nah. Heard one go in and fuck his girlfriend real quick, though.”

Nezumi snorted. ”And college gets off to a great start.”

“Hey, you’re not the one who had to listen to it. It didn’t sound pleasant for her.”

“True. Glad you suffered and I didn’t. You okay if I drink here?” He lifted a six pack out of his suitcase and set it carefully under his bed.

Inukashi frowned. ”Um. Is that likely to happen a lot?”

“I mean, I don’t have a birth certificate so I kind of just lied about my age when I was getting a drivers’ license. It’s technically legal for me to drink. I’ve gotten used to a certain lifestyle. Don’t worry, I won’t share.”

“So long as I don’t get stuck taking care of you, whatever. I have my own shit to deal with here. I don’t want to have to worry about you and your weird problems.”

Nezumi laughed once, harshly. ”I can take care of myself, don’t worry.”

“Good.”

Nezumi picked up his shower kit, which was stuffed with conditioners, and opened the bathroom door to find an albino boy staring blankly back at him. The albino boy grinned, his red eyes bloodshot and glassy. ”Oh, hey, you must be my roommate!”

Nezumi turned to look at Inukashi, who held up both hands in a gesture of complete ignorance. He turned back to the grinning albino. ”No. I’m not. We’re neighbors. What’s your name?”

“Aw, that’s too bad. You look cool. Is this your roommate in there?” The albino leaned in the doorway under Nezumi’s arm and waved at Inukashi, who glared back. ”Hiya, are you a boy or a girl?”

Inukashi sputtered for a moment. ”What? That’s blunt! Who asks like that?”

“Actually,” Nezumi said, squinting at Inukashi, “I checked ‘I don’t care’ for rooming assignments. I don’t know what I’m getting into. So. Which one?”

“Neither! Both! Who fucking cares? I checked ‘I don’t care’ too, and ‘other’ on the gender question if that helps.”

The albino boy piped up. ”Sooo you’re an it? A they? What?”

“I don’t know! I haven’t decided! College is a new start, why do I have to pick so soon?” Inukashi’s hands were clenched furiously by their gender-ambiguous sides.

“All right, all right,” Nezumi said, waving a calming hand. ”You take your sweet time with gender identity or whatever. You,” he turned back to the albino, “tell me your name.”

“I’m Shion!”

“Are you high?”

“Yes.” Shion’s smile was slow-moving and shameless. ”Very.”

“Great,” Inukashi said from their claimed bed. ”I get a drunk and a sex fiend and a stoner all in my space. It’s like a fuckin telenovela.”

“It’s college!” Shion yelled, throwing his hands in the air and almost hitting Nezumi in the face.

“I’ll have you know I’m a fairly inconspicuous sex fiend,” Nezumi said, shutting the bathroom door on Shion.

“Fuuuuckkkk,” Inukashi groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

At the end of the first week, Shion knocked on Nezumi and Inukashi’s door. The bathroom door. Inukashi let him in. Nezumi was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, hey you,” Shion said, peering around. ”Where’d the guy go?”

“Nezumi?”

“Yeah, that one.”

Inukashi sighed. ”He’s at a party probably. He has an in with the theater kids.”  
Shion’s brow wrinkled. ”What?”

“He’s an English and Theater double major. The theater kids love his ass. They think he’s a god.”

“Oh. What’re you studying?”

Inukashi flinched slightly. ”Um. I’m going to be a vet.”

“Oh really?” Shion laughed with delight. ”I’m a bio major, we should totally study together! I saw you in O Chem.”

“Ohkem? Oh, organic chemistry with Professor Rou? Yeah, I donno about that…”

Shion’s face fell. ”Oh, why not?”

“Because, um, you’re kind of a stoner.”

Shion waved a hand, grinning again. ”Don’t worry about that, I’m one of those savant things. An idiot one. I’m really good at studying, never fear.”

Inukashi raised a skeptical eyebrow. ”Right.”

“Plus, I hear you can make acid if you take O Chem!” Shion giggled. ”That’s like, super mega pot!”

“Yeah, and it can cause flashbacks years later— You know what, I don’t care. I don’t. I’m not getting involved in this. Holy shit, what’s wrong?”

Shion was staring at Inukashi’s side of the room, his jaw slack and his eyes brimming with tears. ”I love your puppy posters.”

Inukashi whipped around and glared at their posters, a faint blush rising. ”Um. Yeah. I like dogs.”

“They’re so fluffy,” Shion whispered, still looking as if cosmically cute glory had just jizzed all over his face.

“And loyal,” Inukashi said, smiling for the first time. ”Man’s best friend. I mean, a person’s best friend.”

Shion wiped his eyes absently, still gazing upon the beauty of the puppies. ”So fluffy.”

Inukashi’s smile drained away and they sighed. ”Yes, Shion, and they’re very fluffy.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?” Nezumi said, throwing the door open dramatically.

“Nothing—”

“Puppies,” Shion interrupted, sighing happily. Inukashi glared.

“Fucking things scare my mice,” Nezumi said, digging in his closet and popping open a bottle of red wine.

“You have mice?” Shion gasped, staring at Nezumi with the same wonder in his eyes.

“Yeah. They’re on the top shelf.” Nezumi gestured at the closet, then started drinking directly from the bottle.

Shion darted over and scrambled to peer at the top shelf, then fell on his ass with a gasp of delight. ”There are mice!”

“That’s what he said,” Inukashi grumbled. ”Why are you in here, anyway?”

“What?” Shion looked at Inukashi upside-down, then spun to face them. ”Oh yeah! I wanted to see if you’d like to go to dinner with me!”

“Go with your roommate,” Nezumi said, taking a breath. The bottle was almost half empty.

“I haven’t actually ever seen him,” Shion admitted. ”He sleeps at his girlfriend’s dorm a lot. Sometimes I come home and there’s a sock on the door so I leave for a few hours and he’s gone when I come back.”

Inukashi winced. ”Well, I mean, it’s like you’re living in an inconvenient single, so that’s cool?”

Shion shrugged. ”Gets lonely,” he said frankly. ”I’ve watched all the seasons of Adventure Time I could find.”

“I wasn’t planning on eating dinner,” Nezumi said.

“I mean, I have to,” Inukashi admitted after a long silence. They looked at Nezumi. ”You should come. You paid for a meal plan that wasn’t just alcohol.”

“That’s why I bought the cheapest meal plan,” Nezumi replied, beginning his chugging anew. The wine was vanishing rapidly. He paused for air and added, “I have a party to attend and some people to fuck, and I don’t need any food in me for that.”

“Oh wow, a party!” Shion clapped his hands under his chin and looked rapturous. ”Is it a theme party? Are there costumes? How much weed will there be?”

Nezumi stared at him blankly, then took another swig of wine. ”It’s a choir party. No one smokes there, they have to keep their lungs pristine.”

“You’re in choir too?” Inukashi groaned. ”Jeez, you have to be center stage all the time don’t you?”

Nezumi grinned. ”I deserve to be. I’m the talent.”

A phone started playing “Come Sail Away” by Styx and it took Shion a moment before he yelled, “Oh man, that’s me!” He dug in the pocket of his loose khakies and held an ancient flip phone up to his ear. ”Hello?”

“Popular,” Nezumi murmured against the rim of his bottle.

“Oh hey Safu!” Shion covered the mouthpiece. ”She went to high school with me, she’s a psych major.” He returned to his conversation. ”I dunno, my neighbor has a party he’s going to so I might go to that.”

Nezumi almost choked on his wine. Inukashi snickered.

Shion continued, oblivious. ”I dunno, it’s a Friday night and we studied all week. Do you really want to have another session tonight?”

“You aren’t invited!” Nezumi hissed, standing in front of Shion and stabbing him in the shoulder with the hand that still held the bottle. ”You hear me? It’s a choir party!”

Shion waved his hand, then covered his ear so he could focus on his phone. ”What was that? Um, I dunno.” He tugged at the waist of his pants, stared into the depths for a moment, then replied, “Boxer briefs. Mom got me black ones, I dunno why. Why’d you ask?”

“Oh god,” Inukashi gasped, lapsing into a severe case of the giggles.

“Sorry, Safu, I gotta go eat with Inukashi, we need food. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” He blinked for a few moments, said, “That’s nice. They sound kinda impractical, though. You should just wear regular underwear. Bye!’ He snapped his phone shut.

Nezumi slammed back the last of his wine, then aimed the bottle directly at Shion’s heart. ”It’s a choir party. It’s not for any random loser, okay?”

Shion nodded. ”I know. I felt bad I couldn’t invite Safu.”

“No Shion, I mean you’re not invited.”

Shion blinked. He looked at Inukashi, who shrugged, still smirking. He looked back into Nezumi’s glare. ”Oh.”

“Yeah.” Nezumi dropped the bottle into the recycling bin and made his way to the door. He turned back. ”Don’t wait up, Inukashi. I’m getting lucky tonight.”

Inukashi stabbed a finger into their mouth and mimed throwing up. Nezumi waved goodbye with his middle finger and Shion stared after him like one of the lost puppies tacked on Inukashi’s wall. The door clicked shut.

“C’mon,” Inukashi sighed after a moment. ”Let’s go get dinner.”

“Awesome!” Shion said, going from depressed to ecstatic in seconds. ”I hope they have Doritos, I love Doritos.”


	3. Chapter 3

Shion shuffled into the bathroom early Monday morning, smelling dank and yawing hugely. He stared at the shower faucet for a full minute before he managed to read the scribbled sticky-note.

> Shion and/or Nezumi
> 
> STOP MASTURBATING IN THE SHOWER, YOU ARE CLOGGING THE DRAIN
> 
> Inukashi

Shion carefully set it on top of the toilet tank, scrubbed the weed smell of a well-spent weekend out of his hair, and then got a Sharpie and neatly crossed out “Shion and/or.” He stuck it back on the faucet and wandered out to his Monday classes.

Nezumi took three Advil and staggered into the shower an hour later, then glared at the sticky note. ”Asshole,” he growled, tearing it up. ” _Assholes_.” He kept his hands off his junk for the duration of his shower, though. He exited the bathroom in just a towel and a T-shirt to find Inukashi staring at him guiltily from their bed across the room. Nezumi frowned for a moment, then realized that Inukashi had either acquired a dog-shaped pillow or a pillow-shaped dog. When the possible pillow lifted his head and yawned at him, Nezumi groaned, “Oh goddammit.”

“I found her wandering around last night and she didn’t look like she had an owner and needed a place to stay. Don’t tell the RA,” Inukashi said in a rush.

“And why not?” Nezumi pulled on his boxers under his towel, then yanked on his only pair of pants.

“I’ll tell about your alcohol abuse,” Inukashi said.

“I’m legal.”

“This is a dorm of freshmen, it’s not legal to store your shit here.”

Nezumi barked out a laugh. ”Jesus, you make it sound like I’m dealing drugs.”

“Alcohol counts as a drug on this campus,” Inukashi said, sitting up straight in bed. The pillow dog farted and went back to sleep.

“That thing’s disgusting,” Nezumi pointed out.

“No worse than your mice!”

“Mice are small. Their nastiness is contained in a smaller area. That thing’s gonna shit everywhere.”

“I’ll train her to just shit under your bed,” Inukashi snapped. ”She needs a home! You’re always out getting laid anyways, what do you care?”

“On the rare nights I don’t get ass, I get sleep,” Nezumi snarled, packing up a few plays in his threadbare backpack. ”If that dog fucks with my ability to sleep—”

“She won’t,” Inukashi said.

“Fine. I have class. Make sure it’s trained.”

“Make sure you stop jerking it in the shower all the time!” Inukashi yelled as Nezumi opened the door. A gaggle of freshman girls stared at him, grinning. Their eyes zeroed in on Nezumi’s crotch and they started to giggle.

“You fucker,” Nezumi hissed under his breath as he dashed off for Theater 101. ”You’re gonna pay for that.”

Inukashi didn’t have Monday classes, so it wasn’t until Tuesday that Shion wandered into the communal bathroom and found Nezumi attempting to dye a fat dog bright pink.

“Um. What’re you doing?” Shion said, putting out his joint and tucking it behind his ear.

“Close the door,” Nezumi snapped, dodging the dog’s tongue as it sought to show its affection, “and help me out with this.”

“Yeah, but what is it that you’re doing?” Shion said.

“I’m dying Inukashi’s illegal dog pink.”

“Oh.” Shion squatted down by the tub and rubbed the dog on the head. He started grinning. ”Wow, this is a great dog. Wow. I love it.” The dog bounced up to meet him and left pink smears on Shion’s laughing face.

Nezumi rolled his eyes. ”For fuck’s sake, Shion, is there ever a time when you aren’t stoned?”

Shion’s smile vanished for a moment, then he ignored the question. ”Hey, can I have the dye bottle?”

“I bought two. Get its left side.”

“Awesome!”

Inukashi came home to a dog that now shed pink all over their bed. Their scream of horror echoed through the halls of MacIntyre. Shion covered his ears and hummed Journey songs until the roar ceased. Nezumi felt absolute satisfaction for a moment, even though he was far off-campus and seducing a cute theater girl. He took a particularly large sip of Budweiser.

“There will be consequences,” Inukashi snarled, fists curled in absolute rage. ”He’s going to have to suffer for that one.” The pillow-like dog, now pink, wagged her tail and yawned, then farted on Inukashi’s pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

Nezumi was brushing his teeth to get the taste of last night’s rum out of his mouth when Shion nudged the bathroom door and froze, arms full of colorful bongs.

“Oh sorry,” Shion said, attempting to hook the door closed with his foot. The bong pile teetered in his arms.

“Don’t worry about it,” Nezumi mumbled. He spit into the sink, then turned and stared at Shion. ”Actually, what the fuck are you doing?”

Shion was staring right back, red eyes wide. ”Um. The bongs are dirty.”

“I can see that, yes. Why are you carrying them into—do you wash them in the shower?”

“Um. Yes.” Shion was slowly beginning to turn red.  
Nezumi glanced around, then scratched at his bare chest. ”You okay?”

“Yes. I am okay.” Shion sidled into the bathroom and carefully dumped his collection of smokeware onto the bathmat, then began filling the tub. He kept his eyes on the tiles.

“Hey, thanks for helping me out with Inukashi’s dog. They’re so pissed at me right now.” Nezumi grinned at the memory of Inukashi’s fury, at the screaming match he’d deflected with sarcasm and the fact that he was a head taller and a hell of a lot stronger than Inukashi.

“I like dogs,” Shion said absently, swishing the water with his hands while he stared into space.

Nezumi blinked at him. ”Right. So anyway, I wondered if you wanted to come to the theater party that’s going on tonight.”

Shion whipped around. ”Really?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my gosh, yes! That sounds awesome! It’s still not a theme party, right? I don’t have to find a costume? Is it bring your own intoxicant?”

“No to costumes,” Nezumi sighed, rubbing his forehead. ”Yeah, you have to bring your own booze.”

“Weed’s okay too, right? Do you think they’ll sell me any?”

Nezumi threw his hands in the air. ”Seriously, Shion, you have got to cool it with the stoner thing. It’s kind of weird. How are you even passing your classes?”

“Well, it’s only the third week,” Shion pointed out. ”Also, I’m one of those savants. The idiot one.”

“I’m starting to see it, yeah,” Nezumi said. ”Your head is full of pot smoke. Nothing else. You’re a smoke-filled airhead.”

“Airheads, they’re out of control!” Shion yelled, swirling one of his bongs in the bathwater.

“What? Never mind. If you’re coming, we can walk over at nine.”

“Nine?” Shion looked up, frowning. ”What time do people usually leave?”

“I donno, three?”

“In the morning?!” Shion was stunned. ”I have class at eight!”

“That fucking sucks. Well, you can leave whenever.”

“But… but…” Shion stared at the wall for a moment. His eyes narrowed. ”Will someone be selling weed there?”

“Jesus Christ… I don’t know, Shion. Why?”

“I’m out.” Shion’s lips thinned. ”I really need more. I can feel it fading.”

“So your superpowers are disappearing, oh the horror. I think Chad sells pot, he has a drug dealer kind of name and keeps telling me he’s a botanist. I think I saw his hydroponics, too, but I might have, ah, I might have dreamed that…”

“My usual supplier’s back home,” Shion said, scrubbing out a particularly stubborn smoke stain. ”I need enough to get me to Thanksgiving Break.”

“You can see if he has any,” Nezumi sighed. ”It’s not my drug of choice, I don’t know what’s available.”

“It’s fine, possibilities work,” Shion said, smiling up at Nezumi as he shook soap into a purple glass bong shaped like a rose. ”I’ll be in your room at nine.”

“Wonderful,” Nezumi snorted. ”Good luck with your eight am tomorrow.”

“Thanks!” Shion watched him leave with a wide smile, then finished cleaning his bongs as he sang “All You Need is Love.” He took great care with his rendition of the trumpet parts of the song.


	5. Chapter 5

“It’s really loud in here!” Shion shouted at Nezumi.

“Yeah, kinda.” Nezumi shrugged and snagged a red plastic cup from a skinny blond boy. The blond looked like he was about to object, but Nezumi winked at him and he stopped looking angry and looked stunned instead.

“Who’s that?” Shion asked.

“Dunno.” Nezumi drained the cup.

“Wow, you’re really good at drinking!” Shion said.

“Thanks. I bet you’re good at getting high.”

“I am.” Shion looked around. He was wearing more clothing than anyone here apart from Nezumi, despite the fact that it was late October and the nights were getting colder and colder. He was also the only one in a ratty, mint green sweater. He hadn’t had a smoke since yesterday and he was starting to scrape one hand up and down his arm, slowly, then faster. “Wow, there are a lot of people. Who’s that guy?”

“Don’t point!” Nezumi hissed, “he’ll notice! He’s been coming after me since the second week of school.”

“He looks… young and old at the same time. Is that normal?”

“He’s a teacher.”

Shion’s mouth dropped open. “ _A teacher is hitting on you?_ ”

“You’re faster on the uptake when you’re sober.”

“That’s, that’s, that’s wildly inappropriate!”

“And it doesn’t matter because it’s not working.” Nezumi shrugged. “He’s just some old professor who couldn’t make it as a journalist and decided to get back to college where everyone’s kinda drunk and promiscuous. I hear he does okay.”

“Ew,” Shion said, glaring at the man and crossing his arms tightly over his chest. “What’s his name?”

“Why? Jesus, Shion, are you gonna report him or something?” Nezumi started laughing. There was a lull in the room’s conversations and his laugh rang out clear, sarcastic, and loud. The professor turned towards it like the predator he was and beelined for the hot dark-haired man and the weird pale kid gnawing his own lip. The professor spared a glance for the albino, then zeroed in on Nezumi.

“Hey there, man!” His grin was wide and showed teeth yellowed by cigarettes. “How’s it going?”

“Terrible,” Nezumi said calmly. “I’ve only had one drink tonight.”

“Awww now that’s awful to hear,” the professor said, pulling a sad face. “Want me to grab you one?”

“That would be great,” Nezumi said, flashing a half-smile.

Shion stared at Nezumi with horror for a moment, then plunged after the professor. Everyone was touching him as he clawed his way after the older man and the sounds of the party pressed on him from all sides. It was terrifying. He was trying to forget the last time he’d had to forego weed. It was probably going to happen all over again. He couldn’t think about that now, though, because odds were this professor was going to try to roofie Nezumi.

“Stop right there!” Shion screamed as the professor turned around with two red cups. The crowd went silent. The booming music that had been a dull roar in the background of the sea of conversation was suddenly loud, then suddenly cut off. Shion could feel his heart pounding in his eyeballs.

“Uh, the fuck’s wrong with you, kid?” The professor laughed a little.

“Were you gonna roofie Nezumi?” Shion asked more quietly.

“Uh.” The professor looked around. “No?”

“Take a sip out of both cups,” Shion said. “Prove it.”

“I don’t have to do anything, freakshow.”

Shion took a step closer, breathing heavily because there didn’t seem to be enough air in the room. “I want you to prove you’re not trying to take advantage of my friend.”

The professor laughed lightly, looking around at the rest of the people at the party for support. “Listen, sweetie, it’s not hard to take advantage of that guy. He’s kind of the department bicycle. Theater sluts, you know.”

Shion had been without marijuana for over 30 hours by now. He dove like a linebacker at the older, heavier, taller man and somehow he ended up straddling a professor, snapping the man’s neck back and forth by yanking his bow tie, and screaming things he couldn’t recall when he thought back on it later.

Then Nezumi was dragging him backwards, one arm around his chest and the other one swatting Shion’s flailing hands away. “Jesus Christ, calm down! What the fuck are you doing, he’s a professor!”

Shion was having more trouble breathing than ever before but he gasped out, “Said… shit about you.”

“So what? Goddammit, are you hyperventilating?”

“Need pot,” Shion wheezed, pushing Nezumi away and raising his arms above his head. Somehow they were outside and Nezumi was looking at him with faint concern. The cold air made Shion shiver.

“You need something legal,” Nezumi said.

“Pot works and—” Shion paused to cough. “And it doesn’t cost my mom anything. She doesn’t have insurance. Am I in trouble now?”

“You tackled Professor Rikiga and assaulted his face. He’ll either report you or he’ll try to give you his phone number.”

Shion stared at Nezumi in horror. “But he was saying things!”

“What things?”

Shion stared at the ground. “Mean things.”

“About what a whore I am, right?”

Shion turned slowly red, but he didn’t say anything.

Nezumi shrugged. “It’s fine. I kind of am.”

Shion’s head jerked up. “What? That’s a horrible thing to say about yourself!”

“It’s also a true thing. I’m really, really good at sleeping with people. I like it. I’m selective but I’m not exclusive.” Nezumi shrugged again. “I have a reputation by now.”

“It’s only been a few months!”

“That’s all it takes for me.”

Shion stared at the ground again. “Guess I have to find more weed on my own.”

A clear plastic baggie, half full of muted green leaves, was waved under his nose. It smelled horrendous to anyone who wasn’t an avid stoner. Shion’s mouth watered. “Where’d you get this, Nezumi?”

“I found Chad. Turns out his girlfriend’s the one with the hookups. She was checking out my ass and gave me a free sampling.”

“Wow.” Shion took the baggie reverently. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m gonna go home and smoke this now.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Nezumi murmured. “People won’t forget you any time soon.”

Shion looked at the packed, glowing house guiltily. “I hope they don’t blame you.”

“I’m going to tell them we’re not affiliated. They’re drunk enough to believe it by now. It’ll be fine.”

“Good. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Shion offered, clutching the baggie to his chest and smiling. “Thanks for having me.”

Nezumi snickered. “I’m not the host, but you’re welcome. _Maybe_ I’ll see you.”

Shion pulled a pack of rolling papers out of his pocket as he wandered away, grinning at nothing in particular. Nezumi watched him juggle the baggie and the papers. His steel-grey eyes rolled in annoyance but he was smiling. He walked back into the party and shut the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

Inukashi found Shion sitting in the hallway on Halloween afternoon, dressed clumsily as a mummy and looking mournful. They froze for a moment, then walked over cautiously. “Hey, Shion. What’s up?”

Shion held a finger to his lips. It only took a second to hear why he’d been kicked out of his room. 

“He’s not getting any better at that, is he?” Inukashi winced. “The term is ‘sexiled,’ just so you know.”

“That’s funny,” Shion chuckled. His smile faded after a moment though. “Maaan, all my weed was in there. What’s in the bags?”

Inukashi looked down at the plastic bags dangling from their fingers, and a wicked smile crept over their face. “Revenge.”

“What, that TV show about the angry hot white people?”

“What?”

“Hm?”

Inukashi frowned, then said, “You want to come in and help me?”

“With revenge?” Shion looked thoughtful for a moment. The rhythmic thumping coming from behind his dorm door suddenly increased in tempo and he shot to his feet. “Yeah, okay.”

Inukashi’s revenge turned out to involve precarious chemical work, a lot of patience, and the formula C20H25N3O. It took Shion’s fried neurons a long time to realize what they were making. “Wait. This is LSD, right?”

Inukashi stared at him. “Please tell me you don’t want to try it.”

Shion shrugged. “I like colors where they are. Wish I had my pot though…” He looked longingly at his dorm room, but there were still sounds emanating from it that made him flinch.

“Gross,” Inukashi muttered.

“Yeah,” Shion agreed.

Inukashi raised their eyebrows. “Really? Every other person I mention it to tells me to calm down, that it’s just sex.”

“Who’d you talk about it with?”

“Nezumi,” Inukashi admitted. “Some kids in my anatomy class, too.”

“Oh, yeah. I have to take that next semester.”

“Get ready for a ton of ‘let’s study anatomy together’ jokes,” Inukashi sighed.

Shion frowned. “I don’t think we’re allowed to do dissections in our dorm rooms.”

Inukashi stared at him blankly, then looked at the beaker containing their mixture. “I think it’s done.”

“Is it poison?” Shion whispered suddenly.

“No, we’re smarter than that,” Inukashi snorted. “Now, do you know how to work a corkscrew?”

“No.”

“Bottle opener?”

“Uh, no.”

“How strong are your hands?”

Shion looked down at his pale fingers. “Not very?”

Inukashi sighed. “Fine. Wait here.” Inukashi dumped a small measure of their homemade LSD into a nearly-full bottle of red wine and shook the whole thing up until it was dissolved. They handed it to Shion. “Do not drink this.”

“Okay.”

Inukashi began to clear all of the chemicals into the plastic bags. They weren’t the best at protocols. 

Shion followed Inukashi out of the bathroom, holding the wine as if it might explode. “Are you gonna put your costume on now?”

“What the fuck? I’m not twelve, Shion.”

Shion looked heartbroken. Then he forgot. “So who’re we giving revenge wine to?”

Nezumi slammed open the door and strode in wearing six-inch black heels but otherwise completely normal. “Well Rocky Horror was a hit, and now— What the fuck are you doing with my wine? Give me that!”

Shion clutched the bottle to his chest. “No!”

“Give it to him, Shion,” Inukashi snapped, digging under their bed until they found the pink pillow-like dog.

“But Inukashi—” Shion looked away for a second and found himself on the floor, ears ringing, hands empty. It took him a long second to lift himself up. He was just in time to see Nezumi finish off the entire bottle with a sigh of satisfaction.

“Oh fuck,” Shion whispered as Inukashi began to cackle. 

Nezumi looked at both of them in complete shock. “What the hell is wrong with you two?”

“Sit down,” Shion said as Inukashi rolled around in mirth and the pink dog began to drool happily. 

“I have a party to get to,” Nezumi snorted, slipping out of his heels.

“Is this one a costume party?” Shion asked, distracted.

“Yes, Shion, it is a costume party this time.”

“What’re you gonna be?”

Nezumi pulled off his jacket thoughtfully, then struggled out of his shirt. He was wearing a corset underneath it. “Something sexy, no doubt.” 

The corset had sparkles. Shion was mesmerized for a moment, then spun around and pulled his unraveling toilet paper mummy costume more tightly around him. “Oh. Like a sexy postal worker or a sexy plant or a sexy cupboard?”

“Are you just naming things?” Inukashi gasped, wiping their eyes.

“Anything can be sexy,” Shion said solemnly.

“A disturbing statement,” Nezumi replied. “Hm. I should go raid the theater department. I have an hour.”

Shion whipped around, then kept turning when he saw that Nezumi had taken his pants off and was wearing black ladies’ underwear. “Um, oh jeez, I’ll come with you!”

“What? Why?”

“Um, um, you’ll need help.”

Nezumi laughed. “Oh, and you think you can help?”

Shion looked over at Inukashi, who was wearing a self-satisfied grin. “I think you’ll need it.”


	7. Chapter 7

Nezumi was lying on his back, wearing a kind of toga that looked more like a dress (“It’s a chiton, Shion, you’re so dumb sometimes”) and he was giggling. Shion managed to find some marijuana tucked away in his pants pocket and he had carefully constructed a bong out of a prop trumpet. 

“Shion, I have a party to go to.” Nezumi giggled again. “Oh man, I do not feel right. The world doesn’t look right.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Shion said sadly, then took a deep breath out of the trumpet. Smoke curled between his lips.

“Why’re you sorry? Did you fuck the world up? Did you fuck it, Shion? Ha!”

“No,” Shion coughed, releasing weedstench into the cluttered costume room, “but Inukashi gave you acid.”

Nezumi struggled upright. “What.”

Shion winced. “Sorry. I didn’t know they were gonna do it to you. They just said revenge and—”

“Shion, I have to go to this party.”

Shion blinked. Nezumi’s eyes were glassy and his face was far too serious. “Um. I don’t think that’s a good idea when you’re on acid.”

“It’s very important. It’s important because otherwise I’m going to go back to the room and murder Inukashi. I will do it with a knife and there will be blood and screaming.”

Shion’s eyes widened. “Um, um, maybe don’t do that.”

“Take me to the party then.”

“Okay! Okay! Can you walk?”

“I can damn well try.”

Shion helped haul Nezumi out of the pile of clothes he’d been trying on before he crashed into the technicolored, multi-sensory pits of LSD. “Do you remember where it is?”

Nezumi stared at him for a moment. “Yes. I had to find my tongue, sorry.”

“Okay.” Shion looked forlornly at the trumpet, then led Nezumi out of the costume room.

 

Nezumi woke up fifteen hours later with a massive headache and no memories beyond leaving the prop room. He groaned and shifted on the couch. Shion was curled up on the table, snoring, his mummy costume all but torn away. Nezumi waved at him weakly, then started yelling when he realized he was surrounded by plastic flamingos.

“What! What!” Shion jerked awake, limbs flailing.

“What’s with all the fucking lawn ornaments?!” Nezumi screamed.

“Oh.” Shion relaxed and dug behind his ear for a leftover joint. “You told me they were your evil minions. They’re protecting you. From ferrets.”

Nezumi’s hands hurt from being clenched into fists. “I said that.”

“Yes. You were adamant about it. We had to take any flamingos you saw with us or else ferrets.” Shion patted his pockets and dragged out a florescent purple lighter.

“I am going to _murder_ that fucker,” Nezumi snarled, scrabbling at the flamingos to knock them off his legs. “They are dead.”

Shion reached out and gently patted Nezumi’s shoulder. “You should let it go.”

“What? Let this _go_? I was drugged, you fucking airhead! Inukashi drugged me!”

“It’s only gonna escalate,” Shion pointed out, lighting his roach and taking a hit. “Let this one go. Inukashi didn’t see you make an ass of yourself, what satisfaction will they get?”

“But everyone at the party—”

“You forgot where it was. We wandered around all night and then I took you back here with your minions. There are forty-seven of them, by the way.” Shion gestured to the flamingos, then winced as the butt of his joint burned down to his fingertips. He dropped it on the table, crushing it out carefully, and then smiled reassuringly at Nezumi. “Don’t worry, no one saw.”

Nezumi stood up slowly. “I blacked out. How can I believe you?”

Shion blinked up at him. “I dunno. Why wouldn’t you? Do people lie to you a lot?”

Nezumi breathed in fast, almost a gasp, and then left without another word. Shion picked up a flamingo and wondered when Nezumi would realize he was still wearing the not-a-toga-a-chiton.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he scrambled for it. “Hello? Hi Safu! Did you have a good night? I hung out with my neighbor and—” He smiled blankly at the air in front of him, listening closely. “Really? Sure! Hello, Safu’s boyfriend! Oh, just one night? I hope it was fun.” He listened some more, smile fading. “Oh. I’m sorry I made him leave. Was he nice to you?” Puzzlement spread across his brow. “Why would I be jealous?” He looked at the phone, at the CALL ENDED screen, then shrugged and went to breakfast with toilet paper still hanging off his shoulders.


	8. Chapter 8

Shion was lying on the floor petting the pillow dog when Inukashi walked into their room.

“Is Nezumi here?”

“No.” Shion tried to sit up but gave up and just giggled.

“Don’t come in our room when one of us isn’t here,” Inukashi snapped, dropping an overloaded backpack on their desk chair. There was a banging noise from Shion’s room and Inukashi rolled their eyes. “Even if your roommate’s fucking someone. Just because Nezumi thinks it’s okay to leave the door unlocked— Why does it smell so nasty in here?”

Shion was still giggling. “I, I hotboxed.”

“What does that even mean?”

Shion sat up now, deadly serious. “You don’t know?”

Inukashi backed away slowly and sat on their bed. “Um. No? Should I?”

“It’s only the most intense thing ever,” Shion whispered, crawling closer to Inukashi and staring up at them with his already red eyes disturbingly bloodshot. “You close off all the windows and doors and smoke a ton of pot in a room but the pot can’t move anywhere so you just stay in it forever.”

“You have really weird weekend plans, Shion,” Inukashi sighed. “I hope your roommate— Oh for fuck’s sake, did you hotbox our _shared_ bathroom?”

Shion smiled. Inukashi was surprisingly strong for someone so wiry, and pitched him out of their dorm and into the hallway with an inhuman roar of infinite rage.

Shion sat in silence for a while, hearing the springs of his roommate’s bed creaking with intercourse, and wondered where he would go now. His gaze drifted lazily, and then settled on a poster for the school play. It was having one of its last performances before Thanksgiving Break. He stared at it for a long moment, fumbled in one pocket till he found some crumpled bills left over from the last time he’d bought weed, then struggled to his feet and drifted to the university’s theater.

The play had just started when he arrived but the guy running the ticket sales was still dating Shion’s dealer and let him in, whispering, “Be quiet, okay? Goddamn, you stink just like my girlfriend.”

Shion nodded and smiled because it was safest. He took the first seat he could get and lay back, sighing happily. He smoked this much because he wanted to feel this good all the time. There were good days and bad days associated with it. He’d stopped having horrendous trips by now but he could still wake up covered in Cheeto residue, rueing the day that he discovered self-medication kept his bipolar anxiety issues at bay. Shion winced when he remembered the professor at the party. He hadn’t attacked anyone before. That was new. Usually he just sat around and hated his life randomly. On weed, though, all of his sadness and fear faded away. It was wonderful. The times that it was awful and paranoia-inducing were rare now that he knew what he was buying most of the time. Marijuana made him restful. He rested.

Someone was singing.

Shion sat up before his eyes had even fully opened, trying to breathe in music. He wanted to taste those notes. It was a strange, sad little song about flowers. He managed to focus on the stage after rubbing the sleep out of his eyes a few times (how long had he been out?). A girl in a flowing, torn dress was singing to a stageful of actors and throwing flowers at them with a weird amount of aggression. The other actors all looked saddened and horrified by her antics. Shion couldn’t close his mouth at the beauty of the singer’s voice. She shook her dark hair out of her eyes and stared right out into the audience, arms outflung.

“Holy shit, that’s my neighbor,” Shion said.

“Sh!” The girl next to him stabbed him with her elbow and glared.

“He is though,” Shion said more quietly. She still glared at him. Shion sank back in his seat, wondering why his heart was beating so fast. Nezumi was a _really good actor_. At the end of the song, the girl next to Shion had to elbow him in the ribs again to get him to stop clapping. Shion was sad that Nezumi didn’t show up in the play again. He gave Nezumi a standing ovation at the end of the performance, though, and all but ran to the exit of the theater to wait for Nezumi to show up.

Shion was bouncing up and down in place when Nezumi finally wandered out, an arm draped around a simpering brunette. 

Shion attacked. “Oh my god you were _awesome_ in that, it was amazing, I only woke up for your sing-y bit and it was the best part of that show! What was the show? Were you the star? You were _awesome_!”

Nezumi and the girl both stared blankly at Shion. “Who is this?” the girl asked, tugging at the end of Nezumi’s stubby ponytail.

He swatted her hand away without looking. “My neighbor. Shion, why did you come?”

“I was sexiled!”

“Yeah but— You seem more baked than usual, what happened?”

“I hotboxed!”

“You are just full of strange horrible words tonight, aren’t you?” Nezumi sighed, rubbing his forehead. He looked down at the girl. “I have to deal with this. Maybe I’ll see you at the party later tonight.”

“I _hope_ so,” she purred, winking at him. Shion watched her leave with a faint frown that vanished into complete surprise when Nezumi grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him back to their dorm.

“I would prefer it if you didn’t tell Inukashi about that,” Nezumi snarled through gritted teeth.

“Why not? Because they’ll feel sad that they don’t get to see it? This was your last performance! Oh no! Are you going to do the winter play?”

“I don’t want to give Inukashi any fodder for fucking with me, got it?”

Shion waved his free hand like he was swatting away the problem. “Sure, sure, but are you gonna act again?”

“You’re not invited.”

Shion’s face fell, then sharpened. “Waaaait, it’s a theater production! I don’t need an invitation! I’ll bring you flowers, is that better? Will your parents be there?”

Nezumi’s hand tightened around Shion’s arm, a spasmodic twitch that would leave a bruise. 

“Fuck off!” Nezumi spat. “You’re not going to any more of my shows!” They walked in silence for a moment, until Nezumi looked over and stopped dragging Shion. “What the— Don’t _cry_ about it, what the hell?”

“I’m not _crying_ ,” Shion snapped. “I smoke a lot of _pot_ , my eyes are bloody!”

“Bloodshot.”

“Yes! That!”

Nezumi glared. “Don’t fucking cry about this, Shion.”

“I like your acting! I want to see it more! I don’t get why you’re such an asshole to me! And I’m not crying!” Shion’s face was crunched up and tucked away. It was impossible to see if he was lying about crying, but he certainly looked like he was falling apart.

“Calm down.” Nezumi waited. It took him a few minutes of strange breathing, but Shion’s face unfolded and instead he just pouted.

“Don’t cry about shit like this,” Nezumi said. “It’s just a performance.”

“I liked seeing it. I don’t know why you don’t want me there,” Shion mumbled, not looking at him.

“It’s just… I’m not used to having fans in the audience.”

“What about when you acted in high school? Didn’t your parents film that? My mom made me be in a play and she filmed the whole thing. I was a shrub.”

“My parents are dead.”

Shion stared at Nezumi. “Were they dead when you were in plays in high school?”

“They died when I was four. Housefire.”

Shion continued to stare. “I don’t think I can say anything that wouldn’t sound really stupid right now.”

“You already said something stupid, it’s fine,” Nezumi sighed. 

“Would you like a hug?”

Nezumi’s face broadcasted the fact that Shion was still saying incredibly stupid things. “No, Shion.”

Shion gazed at his feet for a minute, then looked up. Nezumi took a step back from the broad smile smeared across Shion’s face.

“You should come to my house for Thanksgiving!” Shion said, almost jumping up and down with excitement.

“What? No, that’s fine—”

“No no, you have to! It’s just Mom and me every year, it’s so awkward! Come with us! I’ll tell her right now!” Shion clawed at his pockets for his phone and started tapping out a text with painful slowness.

“I don’t need to go anywhere for Thanksgiving—”

“Shh,” Shion said, waving a hand without looking up from the glowing screen. “Can’t text and listen at the same time.”

Nezumi watched Shion type. Apparently, Shion also couldn’t text without his tongue poking out of his mouth. He hit send at last and then looked up with a genuinely delighted grin, his red eyes wide and hopeful. “What were you saying?”

Nezumi eyed him. “I don’t accept charity,” he said quietly.

“Are you kidding? You’re doing me a favor,” Shion laughed. He started walking. “I hope I’m not sexiled anymore, I need another nap. The one during your play was nice though.”

“Philistine,” Nezumi sighed, watching his breath rise into the night air. “Get back to the dorm alive, got it?”

Shion turned. “You aren’t coming?”

“I have people to fuck, Shion. Apparently, I won’t be able to do that for four days. I need to fill a quota before I take off for Thanksgiving at the Stoners’.”

“Oh,” Shion said. “My mom doesn’t know I smoke pot.”

Nezumi laughed, then stopped when he realized Shion was walking away. “You’re joking, right?”

 

“Any more stuffing, Nezumi?” Shion’s mother asked, holding a bowl under his nose.

“Sure, Karan,” he said, spooning some on his plate. 

“And you, Shion?” Karan asked.

Shion grinned around a mouthful of squash and gave a thumbs up. Karan smiled back at him and scraped a serving out for him.

“So, Karan, did Shion get you all of… these?” Nezumi looked at the mantlepiece.

“Oh, yes!” Karan smiled at the extensive collection of glassware. Some of it was still smoke-stained. “He collects vases, did he tell you?”

“I was not aware of that,” Nezumi said, trying not to snicker. Shion was shaking his head frantically.

“They’re lovely with some flowers in them,” Karan said happily. “I had to use twigs and such because it’s too cold for flowers right now but you should see our mantel in the springtime! It’s like a garden contained in glass.”

“I’d imagine it’s beautiful,” Nezumi choked out, reaching for his water to mask his mirth. The bongs (or, in Karan’s eyes, vases) twinkled in the candlelight. Shion was giving him a vicious middle finger.

Karan leaned over and kissed her son on the forehead. He blinked up and her and smiled, hiding his hand under the table.

“Shion’s a good boy,” Karan said.

“You’re absolutely right, Karan,” Nezumi said. “Say, did he tell you what he got on midterms? He didn’t tell me.”

“Oh yes,” Karan said, and Nezumi prepared to laugh his ass off. “An A in every class, that’s my Shion.”

Nezumi looked at Shion, who was smiling quite happily now. “Wow. And he certainly didn’t take performance-enhancing drugs.” 

“Oh, I know he’d never do that,” Karan told Nezumi as Shion kicked him under the table.


	9. Chapter 9

Inukashi had two dogs in the dorm when Nezumi returned from Shion’s house with a pile of leftovers and Karan’s cell phone number, “Just in case of emergencies! I don’t want you to be at college and not know who to call if you need help.”

“Goddammit,” Nezumi sighed, packing tupperware into Inukashi’s minifridge. “Was the fact that I dyed the first dog pink too subtle a message?”

“You know what’ll happen if you fuck with one of my dogs again,” Inukashi snarled. 

Nezumi’s jaw tightened. “I’m not sharing leftover pie.”

“You dick!” Inukashi yelled, but they were grinning.

“What did you do over break, anyway?” Nezumi asked.

Inukashi shrugged. “Went home. Saw the family. Came back.”

“Big group?”

“You have no idea,” Inukashi sighed. “And everyone brought their dogs. Which is how I ended up with this guy.” They tickled the pillow dog’s new friend, which was a fairly normal-looking Golden Retriever puppy.

“That’s going to end up huge,” Nezumi said. “When they come investigating your ass, I’m going to tell them I was out having wild sex all the time and I had no idea that you were illegally keeping pets in here.”

“I’m taking you down with me if your rat, though,” Inukashi said, looking significantly at Nezumi’s wardrobe. “Keeping loose mice isn’t the best in a dorm, either.”

Nezumi popped open the door and dropped a handful of crumbs on the top shelf. “They’re way less noticeable than two huge mutts, you have to admit.”

“I don’t have to admit jack shit.”

Nezumi smiled down at Inukashi. “How I missed you.” 

They flipped him off. “Probably cuz I’m the only person on this campus who doesn’t want to suck your dick.”

“Oh please,” Nezumi sighed, flopping on his bed. “I only try to charm the pretty people.”

“Heh,” Inukashi snorted, “get you drunk and see who you go after. I hear it’s anyone with a pair of lips.”

Nezumi rolled over so his back was to the room. “I neither confirm nor deny those gross allegations.”

“I bet you’d make out with Shion given half a chance.”

“Fuck off,” Nezumi snapped, whipping around to glare at a smug Inukashi. “I have some standards, Jesus!”

“Didja grab him over the turkey, or did you wait till pie?” Inukashi laughed, staggering to their feet and backing away as Nezumi rose like the kraken, looming furiously.

“I told you to fuck right off,” Nezumi said. 

Inukashi’s smile died. They looked at him speculatively. “Mmm. Well I struck a nerve. In your own time, then.”

Nezumi glared, then sat back down on his bed. 

“Is he even gay?” Inukashi asked.

Nezumi smirked. “Oh, he needs to come out. I can feel him sucking my dick from the other side of the wall.”

“Tee Em Aye,” Inukashi gagged. “I did not need that image, dear god.”

Nezumi’s smirk widened and turned wicked. “Why, Inukashi, are you shy?”

Inukashi covered their ears and began chanting, “I don’t want to know your sex plans, I don’t want to know your sex plans.”

Nezumi made a few obscene hand gestures until Inukashi shut their eyes as well. Then he flopped back on his bed and sighed deeply.

“What’re you gonna do?” Inukashi asked after a moment.

“Do what I always do. Hook up with anything that moves.”

“You vain, lazy fucker,” Inukashi said. “Is ‘commitment’ a foreign word to you?”

“Yes.”

“Diva.”

“Dog fetishizer.”

“You’re just making up words, you—”

With impeccable timing, Shion burst into the room and gasped, “I think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so I could have one in my fishbowl and be like OH YEAH TINY MANATEE.”

There was a silence. Inukashi and Nezumi made eye contact.

“I’ve got a thing,” Nezumi said, standing up quickly. “I have to go to the… thing.”

Shion blinked at him, eyes wide and sad. “Oh. But… I thought we could talk about manatees. They’re my mom’s favorite animal after dugongs. Remember my mom?”

Nezumi’s eyes narrowed. “It’s a party thing. Choir.”

Shion kept staring mournfully. “I hope you liked my mom’s cooking at least.”

Nezumi groaned. “You manipulative little— Fine, you can come.” He directed a middle finger at Inukashi without looking at the insufferably all-knowing look on their face. “Inukashi’s not invited though because they’re a dick.”

“Speaking of dicks, Shion—” Inukashi began, but Nezumi grabbed his jacket and grabbed Shion and stomped out, yelling, “I will have vengeance!”

Inukashi stretched and began petting both of their dogs at once. “Just like over Thanksgiving Break, eh boys?” Pillow dog huffed his approval and the new Golden Retriever pup relieved herself on the floor.

 

Shion was clutching a red cup of beer with both hands, wishing he’d managed to grab a joint before Nezumi had kidnapped him to this party. He stared at the flat drink—it had lost its foam two hours ago—and sighed. He was starting to feel sober but the beer still didn’t look appetizing.

“God, d’you see her with the Princess?” he heard a girl next to him say.

“Where’s a princess?” Shion asked, glancing around. “Is she wearing a pointy ribbon hat?”

The girl laughed, an edge of meanness to her tone. “Oh, that’s what we call Nezumi. He’s a spotlight hog. All the theater kids are. I don’t know why they clog up our choir all the time, they have their musicals or whatever. He’s the worst, though. He comes in here, all attitude because he thinks he’s the shit, and it’s like, who invited this guy?”

The girl next to her grinned and tugged her glasses down so she could look over the tops of them at the mean girl. “You sure you ain’t mad just cuz he pulled the same phone trick on you?”

“Phone trick? Like a magic trick?” Shion asked, stepping closer while the mean girl fumed.

“No,” the bespectacled girl laughed. “If he doesn’t like someone who’s asking for his phone number, he says he’ll dial it in for them—look, see, he’s got that girl’s phone now—and then he punches in one of those text-to-donate-to-Haiti numbers.”

Shion stared at Nezumi, who had moved on to not-quite-smiling at a lanky sophomore boy. “That’s so cool.”

“Asshole,” the bespectacled girl said affably. “Gotta say, though, I’ll bet their donation rates have tripled since he got to college.”

“He’s popular?” Shion asked.

“In a way.”

“In all the _wrong_ ways,” the mean girl piped up. 

“Oh fuck off,” the bespectacled girl sighed, draining her beer. She burped, then added, “He’s got a lot of boys and girls after his ass, and he’s willing to give it up, but I haven’t seen him hold hands with anyone in public whether he was drunk or sober. You’re Shion, right?”

“How do you know me?” Shion asked, mouth dropping open. “Can you read minds?”

“No,” she laughed, “you’re just the only person I’ve heard him talk about consistently. You’re kind of hard to miss.”

“Yeah, he’s always going on about how annoying his albino neighbor is,” the other girl snapped. “Is it true you’re high all the time?”

“He hasn’t called him annoying since the first week,” the bespectacled girl began, but Shion put a polite hand on her shoulder. 

“You’re mean,” Shion told the mean girl. “You should stop talking now.” The bespectacled girl looked up at him with a faint approving look in her eye, then wandered off for more beer. Shion walked off in the other direction, pulled his phone out and tucked himself into a corner very tightly, still clutching his own untouched beer to his chest. He dialed the second number he knew by heart.

“Hi, Safu,” he said. “Oh, yeah, I’m at a party. Remember how you told me that thing about feelings for friends? If I got any I should tell you right away? Right, right. Yeah, I do. Remember my neighbor? No, the one who’s definitely a guy. I think I super duper like him in a more-than-friendly way.” Shion took the phone away from his ear then and frowned. Even with the sound of choir kids chatting, Safu’s shrill little voice still piped out its fury. “Jeez, Safu, I thought you’d be happy for me,” he said into the mouthpiece after a moment. “I don’t fall in love everyday, damn. You’re mean, too. I’m going home.” He hung up, left his beer on a table, and walked out into the night with his hands crammed in the pockets of his sweater. Only one person noticed that he’d left. Nezumi frowned as Shion shut the door, then turned back to his latest conquest with a newly determined look in his eye.


	10. Chapter 10

Inukashi was trying to fit the Golden Retriever puppy in their backpack when Shion wandered in. Nezumi had a handle of vodka in one hand and a pint of orange juice in the other and he was watching.

“Where’re you taking her?” Shion asked. “Are you going to wear your backpack like a frontpack and pretend you’re a marsupial? That would be adorable.”

“Fuck. Off,” Inukashi wheezed as they fought off the puppy’s tongue attacks. “She’s gotta. Stay quiet. Till I get her. To the vet.”

Shion leaned over Inukashi’s head and tapped the puppy on the nose. “I have some nice pot butter from when Safu was still talking to me. Want me to grab some? It’d mellow her right out.”

“Jesus Christ, Shion!” Inukashi yelled, whipping around and shoving him hard enough to send him sprawling. “You’re not gonna get my dog baked!”

“Owww, it was just a suggestions, sheesh,” Shion whined, rubbing his butt. “That hurt!”

“Safy’s not talking to you anymore?” Nezumi said, taking a swig of vodka and chasing it with OJ.

“No, she’s mad at me,” Shion sighed. “Turns out she wanted me for sex. I didn’t know.”

“Moron,” Inukashi snarled, tucking the puppy’s paws into the backpack and zipping it before they popped out again.

“Moron,” Nezumi agreed.

“I am not!” Shion said.

“She called you and asked what panties you had on the first day,” Nezumi said. “She wanted the d.”

Shion was starting to blush. “That’s— We, we’ve always just been friends! She knows that!”

“I studied with you guys once,” Inukashi reminded him. “She kept dropping pencils so you’d bend over and pick them up.”

Shion was bright red now.

“We have more examples,” Nezumi said. “We can keep going.” Inukashi nodded as they shouldered the still-struggling backpack.

“No!” Shion said quickly. “No, I get it, I should have seen it. I get it.”

“Maybe cool it with the weed,” Inukashi said. “It doesn’t affect the book smarts, apparently, but your people smarts? Whoo boy.”

Shion frowned slightly. “I, I can try cutting back…”

Nezumi stood up, swaying slightly. “Awww, cut him some slack, Inukashi. You gonna be gone all night?”

“Yeah, I was going to stay with both dogs until— Wait.” Inukashi glared suspiciously at both boys. “Why?”

“I might be able to invite someone back to my place for once,” Nezumi said, winking. “Or a few someones.”

“Tee Em Aye!” Inukashi yelled, covering their ears. “I’m glad I’m taking both dogs, shit!”

“Where is the other dog?” Shion asked, looking around.

“She’s at the bottom of the bag,” Inukashi said. “She doesn’t move as much as the pup.”

“Ouch,” Shion winced, thinking about the puppy’s earlier struggles.

“Eh, she’s fine. Don’t fuck our room up with your fucking, Nezumi, or I’ll do something horrendous. We only have three weeks till winter break. I want this room to remain pure.”

Nezumi took a healthy swallow of vodka and gasped, “I’ll keep things as pure as possible.”

“Shion, don’t come in here uninvited,” Inukashi said.

He nodded a little sadly. “Good luck with the doggies.”

“Yeah yeah. See you in class on Tuesday if I don’t see you tomorrow.” Inukashi waved vaguely as they shut the door. 

Shion turned to leave through the shared bathroom, then sighed as he heard his roommate enter with a giggling companion. “Well poop.” He turned back to ask Nezumi if he could stay in the room a bit longer, then stopped. Nezumi had pulled a folding table from under his bed and had set up cups and a punchbowl that was certainly not filled with punch.

“Shion, you are invited to this party if you never ever tell Inukashi that it happened,” Nezumi said, digging under the bed again and emerging with chips.

“Uh. Okay.” Shion stared as Nezumi tossed a blanket over the two beds and turned them into couches, then tacked a weird tapestry of a giant wasp over Inukashi’s dog posters. “Wow, you are really prepared for partying.”

“It’s what I do,” Nezumi said. “Did you want a drink? Cover’s five bucks.”

“What’s a cover?”

Nezumi paused to look at Shion, then sighed. “Forget it, you can drink free.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Precisely. Help me move all of Inukashi’s stupid text books.”

Shion began stacking textbooks while Nezumi prepared the dorm for a party of people he barely knew and barely cared about. Nezumi paused every now and then to take a giant swig from his vodka.

 

Shion was tucked against the window, furtively sucking down pot smoke as the joint flickered against his fingertips. People milled around him, laughing in that loose way of drunk people. Shion was getting good at knowing when people were drunk. For the first time, he could hear Nezumi being shitfaced.

“Imma star!” Nezumi yelled, and the girl he was with quickly hushed him. Shion sighed out another grey cloud and prepared to breathe deep again, seeking some kind of relief from the crush of this party. He wasn’t sure if his roommate was still in the room or not, and the last time he’d tried to check by going through the bathroom, he’d found two girls making out in the tub.

“Excuse _me_ ,” he’d said, then paused in closing the door. “That is where I wash my bongs, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t get it too dirty.”

Now he was trying to find calm. It wasn’t easy in the middle of this hurricane of people. He flicked the butt of his joint out into the rain and held the last gasp of smoke in, turning to face the room.

Nezumi was wearing a crooked tiara and a sleazy grin. The girl he was talking to… Shion hacked smoke out the window and continued to stare. She was the bespectacled girl from the last party he’d gone to. Nezumi had an arm around her and she did not look amused. Shion sidled closer, looking anywhere but the awkward couple in the middle of the room.

“I was the toast of my community theater troupe,” Nezumi was saying. He waved a cup to emphasize his point. It was empty, but he didn’t seem to want to surrender it. “And now I’m doing so well here. I wanna get _paid_ already, dammit! I’ve been working since I was ten, I want to do something I like for a change! Whadda you do?”

The girl moved his hand from where it had been sneaking into her shirt. “I’m in a journalism class, actually.”

“With that fucker Rikaga, right?”

She smiled tightly. “Right. That guy.”

“Haaaandsy,” Nezumi sang as he tried to tuck his hand back under the girl’s collar.

She moved it again. “Yeah, you are.”

“No, I meant— Awww, sorry,” Nezumi laughed, leaning away from her and holding up both hands so she could see that they weren’t doing anything naughty. “I was just trying to get to know you.”

“Right,” the girl said. “Maybe not such a good idea.”

“What?” Nezumi looked stunned.

“Not really interested, sorry.”

Nezumi’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Has no one ever turned you down before?”

“Are you gay?”

She tucked her fingers under the nosepiece of her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. “No. You’re just not my type, Nezumi. Excuse me. I thought I had an article but whatever, what’s one more missed deadline…” 

She was walking away when Nezumi found his voice again. “Oi!” he yelled, and the other conversations dulled a bit as people glanced around. “I’m gonna prove you wrong!”

“Prove me wrong about what?” she asked.

“Prove you wrong about not making out with me!” Nezumi looked around, spotted a shock of white, grabbed for it, and started kissing it.

“Mmmf!” Shion tried to say. Then he was suddenly very preoccupied.

Conversations turned into whistles and catcalls. A few women and men left, disgust clear on their faces. Most stayed, cheering the lovers on. The cheers faded after a while. People started looking at their watches. There were quiet mutters of, “Don’t they need to breathe?” A few people were forced out of the way and the moans and smooching sounds moved to the wall. Then they moved to one of the beds-turned-couch. A couple at the other end of the couch stood up and backed away. People started leaving, looking faintly disturbed. 

The bespectacled girl was the last to depart and she left at a run, herding the stragglers ahead of her and banging on the bathroom door to alert anyone left behind. “Not a drill, people, not a drill! Jesus, I hope they have condoms…”

The dorm room door slammed shut and left Nezumi and Shion in darkness. Not that they noticed.


	11. Chapter 11

Shion woke up with a single, massive, full-body twitch. Nezumi yelled and shoved him out of bed before he was fully awake. They both stared at each other, breathing hard. Shion slowly turned bright red, then dragged his eyes to the floor.

“Um,” he said.

“Yeah,” Nezumi said. “Wanna go out for Burger King?”

“Yes okay,” Shion said, still staring at the floor. He tucked his knees to his chest. “Um.”

“I think your pants are on my bed,” Nezumi said. He looked at where he was sprawled, then up at the puppy posters now exposed again by the drooping wall hanging, and winced. “Goddamit, now I’ll smell like dog.”

Shion paused his mad scramble for clothes and looked at Nezumi with an expression of absolute puzzlement. “Is this really what morning afters are like?”

Nezumi blinked, then turned suddenly to hide a smirk. “Ah. Not always.” He glanced back at Shion. “I don’t take _everyone_ out for Burger King.”

Shion’s smile would have sold a lot of Crest. “I’m getting a Whopper.”

“No, you’re not.” Nezumi knotted his hair back in a ponytail as he dug for underwear with his toe. “Hey, you find my shirt. I only have three.”

“Here!” Shion held up the wadded shirt like it was the prettiest egg in the Easter hunt. “I got it!”

“Great. Now, where’s my phone?”

“Why?” 

“I have to try and ruin Inukashi’s morning and then my day will be perfect.”

 

Inukashi’s phone bipped. They woke up groaning, curled up on their aunt’s couch with the pillow dog on their feet. It took a long time for Inukashi to reach their phone, and even longer to read the text:

> do not wonder why i am sticky, shion is sticky, and your bed is sticky

They muffled their scream into a pillow but their uncle still clattered down the stairs with his bloodhounds in tow, roaring about burglars and the second amendment.

 

The kid behind the counter was picking his nose and watching them both with a worried look, like he was allergic to afterglow. The weird albino kid wouldn’t stop grinning.

“You can get shit off the dollar menu,” Nezumi said, tugging coins out of his pocket and counting them out carefully. “Oh, wow, you can get _two_ things.”

“French toast fries and a chocolate milkshake!” Shion said, scrounging in his own pockets. “I can pay!”

“No, it’s cool” Nezumi said, putting a hand up. “I got this. I can afford post-fuck food.”

“Uhhhh welcome to Burger King,” the boy behind the counter said, looking very nervous now. “May I take your order?”

“What the happy one said,” Nezumi said, jerking a thumb at Shion, “and a coffee.”

“We, uh, have iced—”

“Coffee.”

“There’s—”

“Coffee. Coffee coffee coffee.” Nezumi shoved his change forward and dragged Shion to a booth.

Shion was staring at the table now with a serious look on his face. “Uh. So are we—”

Nezumi held up a hand. “Coffee.”

“Wha—”

“Wait.” Coffee arrived and Nezumi popped the lid and breathed in its fumes. “Goddamn I needed this. Sorry about last night. You probably shouldn’t get drunk around me, you know. 

Shion was staring at his milkshake and slowly pinkening. “I wasn’t drunk but… I just wanted to say, um. Kissing was so insane. It was like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galaxy.”

Nezumi laughed. “Uh, yeah, the making out was good. Where did you find pot this early?”

Shion smiled and popped the lid on his shake. “I’m not stoned.”

Nezumi stared at him for a moment, took a breath, then drank coffee very quickly. He set the cup down on the table and glared at it. “Okay. Here’s the deal. You know how I’m a whore?”

Shion winced and dipped a french toast stick into his milkshake. “I don’t think you should call yourself that. It sounds mean—”

“I fuck a lot of people, Shion. Not ashamed of it. Not going to change. I’ve had this conversation many times before.”

“Oh.” Shion bit his lip. “How does it usually end?”

“About eighty percent of the time they’re game for more sex. Half of them are actually okay with just sex, the other half start wanting to talk about shit all the time.”

“How many stick around?” Shion asked, cocking his head to the side.

Nezumi snorted and sipped his coffee. “I don’t date, Shion.”

“Well yeah, but you can still be friends with people. It’s called, um, there’s a swear in it, it’s called fuckbuddies.” Shion whispered the last word nervously. “Safu told me about it— Oh, that was another clue, huh?”

“Yes, that was another clue. And they don’t stick around for ‘friends,’ Jesus. You’re in my room all the fucking time, do you see friends there?”

“Inukashi’s your friend,” Shion pointed out.

“Inukashi’s a little shit with a lot of dogs and no sex appeal. Speaking of them…” Nezumi pulled out his phone and typed up another text.

 

Miles away, Inukashi stared at their bipping phone. They reached out and opened it slowly.

> Gotta hit home depot. cracked a wall while fucking

Inukashi threw the phone into their backpack and pulled the pillow dog onto their lap, rocking back and forth in horror.

 

“Inukashi’s still your friend,” Shion insisted, finishing off his french toast fries. He tucked a straw into his milkshake and started sucking at it, then stopped. He began shading towards pink again. “Okay, wait. Um. Let me start this apology by saying; I’m sorry I bit your penis—”

“I’d say forget about it but I never will,” Nezumi sighed, shifting in his seat. “That was a terrible time to sneeze. That was actually a… strange encounter over all. What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Just… All of it. That was, I mean, I’m sorry but that was some of the worst sex I’ve had that still, yanno, succeeded. What was that whole thing?”

Shion was well on his way to boiled-lobster now. “…my virginity…”

Nezumi’s eyebrows shot up. He stared at the blushing, shrinking boy in front of him. Then he sighed again, rubbed his neck, looked around the Burger King, and said, “Look… just finish your fucking milkshake.”

Shion used a spoon for the rest of it.


	12. Chapter 12

Shion vanished into his room once the two boys arrived at MacIntyre. He managed a smile and a wave, but Nezumi could see the half-grin drop off his face as he shut his door.

“Well fuck,” Nezumi grumbled, checking the time. It was nearly one in the afternoon. He looked up and down the hall, hearing the stirrings of people who had partied far too hard the night before. He struggled to open the door to his room as he began to sense rising nausea behind closed doors. Thank god for shared bathrooms—a communal bathroom would end up looking like the scene of a massive drug detox. He opened the door to his nice, safe dorm.

“NO!” 

A shoe hit Nezumi in the head. “Owww, fuck!” he spat. “Inukashi, you—”

“You had sex on my bed you DICK! You fucked our neighbor on my bed, it’s like triple the incest!” The other shoe followed the first. Inukashi had a good arm.

“It wasn’t intentional,” Nezumi groaned, shielding himself in case Inukashi was hiding more shoes. “I was…We got carried away.”

“Get out!”

“What?” Nezumi tried to get a look at Inukashi but the dogs were suddenly barking at him, nipping at his feet and generally being nuisances. “Move it, mutts.”

“Get out get out get out! You’re banned from this room until you buy me new sheets!” Inukashi was suddenly in front of him, scrawny and short and vibrating with fury. “I can’t believe you! All that shit you gave me about dogs, and then you get my bed way nastier than they ever could! Condoms everywhere, god _damn_ … And with Shion! Do you even _like_ him?

Nezumi stared at them.

Inukashi grabbed him by the scarf and hissed, “Don’t come back without new sheets, asshole.”

Nezumi found himself in the hallway again. Inukashi was disturbingly strong in a rage. He tucked his hands in his jacket pockets and went out to get drunk. He’d stored some booze in the MacIntyre lounge. It was tucked inside the upright piano. Nezumi knew it was safe in there because he was the only one who knew how to play the damn thing. He dug into the top part of it and dragged out a bottle of whiskey and a half-full bottle of Jagermeister. He sat down on a sagging couch, unscrewed both lids, and began his afternoon plans.

 

It was now around dinner time. Nezumi was well and truly hammered, so he slipped what was left of the Jager back into the piano and took the remnants of the whiskey with him (not a lot in either case). He staggered down the hall, holding the wall sometimes and hitting it other times. When he tried to open his dorm, though, he came up against heavy resistance. Inukashi had apparently stacked everything in their room against the door.

“Fuck off!” Inukashi yelled. “Unless you have the goods!”

“Fuck,” Nezumi slurred, burping the end of the word. “The password is new sheets.” He automatically patted his pockets, but he’d spent what little money he had on breakfast this morning. Actually, he hadn’t eaten breakfast. Or lunch. Unless alcohol counted. “Which it does,” he reminded himself.

He needed new sheets to get in. It was important to get in. He had food in there. It was Shion’s mom’s food. It beckoned him. But he needed sheets to get in.

He straightened up. Shion had sheets. Shion’s absentee roommate had sheets. The roommate didn’t need them. Nezumi did, though. He sidled one door down and banged on Shion’s door.

“Whozzat?” Shion croaked.

“S’me,” Nezumi said, trying not to hiccup. “I need something.”

There was silence on the other side of the door.

“S’important!” Nezumi insisted. He knocked again.

Shion opened the door a crack. His eyes were sores—already red from albinism, now bloodshot and red-rimmed. “Whattaya need?”

“Your roommate’s sheets,” Nezumi whispered.

Shion sniffed and backed out of the way, waving Nezumi in. “Fine. You gotta bring them back though.”

“Okay. Really?” Nezumi blinked and looked around. He’d never been in Shion’s dorm before. There were plant posters plastered all over one wall. Trees twisted and knotted around themselves on high peaks, or grew straight and tall in clumps. Flowers twirled their thin petals towards a single point. Silhouettes of leaves displayed the difference between oaks and maples. “That’s your side, right?”

“Yes.” Shion crawled up on his bed, which was lofted a few feet off the ground. It left storage space for his extensive bong collection, which was arranged into a rainbow of color and also a rainbow of height. A few bongs had snapped but Shion had reused them. Succulents were growing in two of the jagged bases, and other bongs contained flowers Nezumi couldn’t have named even if he were sober.

“Pretty,” Nezumi said, then stumbled to the roommate’s side of the room and started dragging the new, also sex-stained sheets off the bed. He was going to have to wash these. “Why don’t you grow your own pot?”

“Against the rules.” 

Nezumi saw a mason jar crammed with pot but didn’t comment. He turned to ask Shion if he could use some laundry soap and found that Shion was crying quietly.

“You okay?” Nezumi asked, shaking the pillows out of their casings.

“N-no,” Shion said. He wasn’t trying to wipe his face or anything, just staring at his hands while his nose dripped and his eyes leaked. Nezumi noticed he’d been trying to roll a joint, but he was dripping on his rolling papers.

“Don’t fucking cry, Shion. I don’t know why you do it. You’ve cried twice around me, what the hell?” Nezumi looked at the bundle of dirty bed linens on the floor. “Can I use your laundry soap? And, like, five quarters? I can pay you back—”

“You don’t have to pay me back. You got me Burger King this morning.” Shion slid to the floor and tugged his Tide out from under his desk. He didn’t look at Nezumi as he held his door open. Nezumi staggered out, trailing fitted sheet corners. Shion locked the door behind them.

“Seriously, stop crying,” Nezumi said as he stuffed the sheets into a free washer and dropped the quarters into the slots. 

“Don’t condescend to me.”

Nezumi turned in surprise as the washer began its rattling. Shion had actually sounded angry that time, though he’d had to sniff a noseful of snot back into his head in order to glare properly.

“You think I’m condesh. Condes. I’m patronizing?” Nezumi said. “You’ve got straight As and you’re baked _all the fucking time_. You being at this school’s patronizing. Did you not get into Stanford or something?”

Shion tucked his head into his chest. “Didn’t get a big enough scholarship. Mom only has the bakery.”

Nezumi stared at him. He hopped up on an inactive dryer, teetering for a moment as his head spun, then he patted the dryer beside him. “Gotta have a facts of life chat with you.”

“Can you roll me a joint?” Shion whispered, holding out his papers and his weed.

“What’s the matter with your hands?” Nezumi took the little baggie and the slightly damp papers.

“I keep leaking,” Shion said even softer as he sat, a lot of space between himself and Nezumi. He sniffed again.

“No, stop that,” Nezumi said, tucking the shreds of pot into the fold of the paper and starting to roll it the way he’d seen Shion do a hundred times. “You gotta stop crying just cuz I say mean shit to you. Doesn’t mean I hate you. Just means I’m not nice. Here, pull my whiskey out, we can indulge in our vices at the same time.”

Shion tugged at the neck of the bottle poking out of Nezumi’s coat. “If you know you’re saying mean things, why do you say them anyway?”

Nezumi shrugged and exchanged the completed drug cigarette for his whiskey. “No regrets. I say it cuz it’s the right thing to say.” He took a swig from the bottle and winced as it hit his empty stomach. Then he took another gulp.

Shion lit the cigarette and stared at the wall. “I still want to be friends at least, Nezumi.”

“Yeah?”

Shion’s mouth twitched in a slight smile. “Yeah. And…”

Nezumi gulped more whiskey. “You wanna put the rest of that pot away before you’re caught for possession?”

“Oh, yeah,” Shion said, cramming his joint to the side of his mouth and jumping off the dryer. Nezumi eyed him as he teetered on the edge of his balance. They were both pretty fucked up. Nezumi was starting to feel horny, a sure sign he’d had too much. Shion’s hair was looking especially fluffy and touchable today. So was his ass. Wait, that didn’t make a lot of sense…

“Be back in a minute,” Shion said, trotting off to his room. “I want snacks. You can have some too.” 

Nezumi stared after him. He was swaying gently, his balance shot. He dug in his pants pocket for his phone and paged through his nearly-empty contact list until he saw ‘Shion.’ He typed in a message, his vision blurring and his fingers clumsy on the keys.

> Im so drnk rit now.

He stared at the screen, giggling to himself. Shion wouldn’t know what that meant. Unless he remembered their conversation at Burger King, then he might realize the significance of a heavily intoxicated Nezumi…

Nezumi’s phone binged. Nezumi barely looked at the response,

> Nezumi, this is Shion’s mom.

before he was typing up another text, giggling to himself again.

> Cant wait 2 hav ur cok in my ass

He laughed himself sideways, fumbling to see Shion’s response to this one. The message read

> Nezumi, this is still Shion’s mom.

It took Nezumi a long moment to realize he needed to turn his phone off to save face. It was probably too late anyway. He found this hilarious.

“What happened?” Shion asked as he returned with two boxes of fruit snacks and a jumbo box of Cheez-its. Ash was waving dangerously at the end of his joint.

“Your mom,” Nezumi wheezed, “she’s gonna hate me!”

“So?” Shion muttered, pulling out a packet of gummy candy and ripping it open with a yank that scattered the little fruit-shaped pieces to all corners of the laundry room. “Oh _shoot_.”

“Why don’t you swear?” Nezumi asked, yawning as he lay on top of the dryer. 

“I dunno,” Shion growled, scrambling for the strawberries. “It isn’t appetizing to me.”

“I think it’s pretty tasty,” Nezumi purred. 

Shion winced. “Yeah, I’d, I’d noticed. Pottymouth.” He tipped the scattered fruit snacks into a garbage can and fumbled for a new packet of treats.

Nezumi giggled again. “You don’t seem to mind.”

Shion held up the box of Cheez-its. “Eat something, jeez. You’re so drunk it’s eerie.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Why not?”

“Then I’ll be less drunk.”

“I’d prefer that,” Shion sighed. “You’re hard to talk to right now. I don’t know how much of what you say is true and how much of it is booze.”

“I’m unfiltered truth right now.” Nezumi stretched, catlike, across two dryers and one and a half washers. “Drinking makes me not care.”

Shion smiled. “We do drugs for the same reasons, huh?”

“Alcohol’s not illegal,” Nezumi pointed out. He took Shion’s proffered Cheez-its and began crunching handfuls.

“Alcohol’s illegal for you. You’re not twenty-one.”

“My license says I am. I didn’t have a birth certificate or social security number, I told ‘em whatever I wanted.”

Shion stared. “You were living off the grid?”

“My parents were hippies,” Nezumi said, stretching again. He curled up until he was contained on just one dryer, wrapped around the Cheez-it box. “We lived on a commune till it burned. None of us had papers in the end.”

“Oh. That sounds awesome apart from the last bit.”

“It was beautiful,” Nezumi murmured. He couldn’t keep his eyes open.

“Don’t fall asleep in the laundry room, sheesh,” Shion said. He was quiet for a moment, then sucked in more smoke from his rapidly shrinking joint. “Can I ask you about feelings stuff?”

“No.”

“Can I tell you my feelings stuff?”

“No. Leave me alone.”

Shion sucked in more smoke. “Do you really want that?”

Nezumi curled up tighter. The Cheez-it box protested. “Sometimes.”

“Why? You said you didn’t have friends, but friends are super cool. I have you and Inukashi and my mom and all of you are great. And Safu, once she stops being mad at me.”

“I don’t need people. I don’t want people.” Nezumi was frowning now, knotted into a ball of tension.

Shion didn’t seem to notice. “But you have sex with a lot of people. You’re good at it—” Shion blushed and pulled the last of the joint into his lungs, then pitched the butt out the window. “Uh. I mean, I’m glad my first time was with you, yanno?”

“Leave me alone, _Jesus_ ,” Nezumi spat, sitting up suddenly and tossing the now-empty box of Cheez-its towards the recycling. He swayed forward and back for a moment before sliding off the machine. “I don’t need all these confessions. They’re weird! You’re weird! Why the fuck do you talk to me?”

“I like you,” Shion said, standing as well.

“Well _don’t_. I’m know, I know, I’m hot, I’m sexy, but I don’t want you around!”

“You’re not hot,” Shion said. He smacked a hand to his face and winced. “Wait, crap, I mean you’re not _just_ hot or whatever. You’re a really good actor, too! And you’re nice when you want to be, as long as no one notices, and you give people a lot of shit but I still think you care!”

“That’s because you’re stoned!” Nezumi yelled.

“Just because I’m stoned doesn’t mean I’m _wrong_!”

The laundry room door opened and a girl in her pajamas peered in. “Hey, are all these washers—”

“In use!” Nezumi snapped, rounding on her. She bolted.

“Why’re you always kicking people out?” Shion asked more quietly.

“I don’t. Fucking. Need people.”

Shion’s face crumpled into something almost pitying. “Maybe not, but… some of us want you.”

Nezumi flinched at that. He glared at Shion from beneath his eyebrows, then rubbed his face and sighed as the washer buzzed. For a moment he was consumed with the task of shifting the damp, heavy sheets from washer to dryer, but soon the machine was shaking merrily and he had to face the quiet, baked albino again.

“I’m tired,” Nezumi said. His voice was quieter than he’d expected.

“You think Inukashi’ll let you in?” Shion asked.

“No,” Nezumi laughed a little. “They’re still mad. Sheets or no entry, that’s the deal right now.”

“It’ll take an hour to dry those,” Shion pointed out.

“Yeah.” 

There were couches in the lounge to sleep on, or even the hallway. Shion watched Nezumi patiently, bloodshot red eyes attentive but impartial.

“I’ll help you take your snacks back,” Nezumi muttered.

Shion’s smile was barely there before he smothered it. “Sure. You can nap in my bed if you want, I have homework to do.”

Nezumi raised his eyebrows. “I don’t want to throw off your sleep schedule.”

Shion shrugged. “I sleep whenever, my smoking schedule messes with me more than you will.”

Nezumi put his face in his hands. “You are the worst at flirting.”

“Yeah, probably, but I haven’t—” Shion paused. He pinkened and tucked his eyes behind his hand. “I missed a cue again.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Oh. Um. We can cuddle then—”

“Fer chrissake, don’t call it that,” Nezumi said, throwing open the laundry room door and weaving his way down the hall. “It sounds so childish.”

Shion threw back his head and laughed all the way to his dorm room.

Inukashi heard him from their room, dogs sleeping on their feet, and they smiled. “He’s allowed back in now,” they told the dogs. “If he tries to dye you pink again though, I’m cutting off his ponytail.” Their phone bipped suddenly. They picked it up, confused for a moment, then read the text.

> So shion doesnt hav a gag reflx

The sound of Inukashi swearing made Nezumi smile, while Shion looked around in concern and asked, “Are they okay? Do they need help?”

“Nah,” Nezumi said, climbing into Shion’s tangled sheets. “They’re fine. Take your pants off.”

 

This time, Shion woke up slowly. He was big spoon so he woke up to a faceful of hair. He still smiled, though.

“Oh good, you’re up,” Nezumi said lazily.

“How can you tell?”

“I’m good at telling when people are asleep or awake.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Nezumi peered over his shoulder. “You improved a bit since last time.”

“Oh.” Shion tried to bury his face in pillows, but his embarrassed grin was still visible. “Um. I tried.”

“I could get used to it.”

One of Shion’s rubyred eyes peeked out. “Yeah? For how long?”

Nezumi yawned and stretched and ended up with one arm tucked under Shion’s head. “A while, I suppose.”

Shion raised his eyebrows. “Really? Are we, uh fuckbuddies then or—”

Nezumi snickered. “It’s hilarious how you say that, you know? It’s so obvious you find it distasteful.” He burped and winced. “How much did I drink last night?”

“Are we dating?” Shion insisted.

Nezumi’s mouth twisted in thought. Shion watched it like it was a laser pointer. Then Nezumi sighed. “Okay, don’t brag around or anything because I have a reputation to uphold but… yeah, fine, we can be dating.”

Shion grinned and propped himself up, then realized his arm was actually completely asleep and fell back on the pillow. “Oops,” he said, but before he could apologize Nezumi had lurched out of bed, slammed open the door to the bathroom, and thrown up in the sink.

“Fuckin hangovers,” Nezumi gasped, then heaved again.

Shion laughed. It was a bright, unburdened sound and it made Nezumi moan and cover his ears.

“Too loud,” Nezumi whined.

“Sorry,” Shion giggled, wandering over to pull Nezumi’s hair out of his face. He ran a hand up and down Nezumi’s back, eyeing the burn scars there but keeping quiet. There would be other days to talk about serious stuff. Right now, Shion was happy to pet his puking boyfriend’s back.

THE END


End file.
